Her Heart Breaks, and So Does Mine

I am having a hard time this evening doing the right thing.  It involves my child, and someone emotionally hurting my child.  This is a teaching moment that I don't want to do wrong.  I hurt listening to her cry over the pain.  I hurt when she relives the pain as she tells me what has happened.  Mean girls......they do exist.  I know that there is a lot of high school, teenage girl, drama.  But, this has surpassed what I would call the norm.  This has been going on for about a year.  I am sure that my child is not completely innocent, as she will confess, BUT.....this involves manipulative group behavior.  Public humiliation.  Rampant lies.  And these are coming from people she considered her best friends.  She is the fourth one, of the close group, that this has happened to.  She knows how it goes down.  She knows the one that picks who will be out of the group.  She knows which one plans the attacks.  I'm glad that she's not friends with them anymore, but that doesn't make the pain go away. 

But, after a demeaning public reading, from one of the girls, about her, to a room full of her classmates, this was her response....

I am proud of myself. Most people don’t admit to such a thing, for fear of sounding over-confident, but I am proud. I am proud of myself. This past year I have accomplished and overcome many obstacles that I would have never dreamed to become reality. My life has been flipped upside down, but I couldn’t be happier now.



This past year many aspects of my life have changed. I became Field Commander, which tested my strength and desire to succeed more than anything ever had before. I was tested daily, and often broke down to tears, but I stuck it out, and now have a passion for it. I have branched out my interests, and am now proud of what I have become.


I also worked very hard after school and during lunch, not to mention on my own time to prepare myself for the try-outs that I dread so much. But thankfully, my hard work paid off. I made the 2011 All-State Chamber Choir! I’m very proud of myself for sticking through the nervousness and frustration. I take pride in being chosen for this elite choir.


Another obstacle that I have surprised myself by overcoming is the downfall of “S_EAK”. Yes, the “M” is missing. I left it out because I, myself, didn’t fall. I took a few trips, and got down pretty low, but never fell. I’m still standing. I’m proud of myself. There are two different ways to view the ‘tragedy’ that happened this summer. The two opinions are ‘I left.’ Or ‘I was kicked out.’ I will admit that yes, I left. I am the one whose things were packed up and moved into the other room. I am the one who held back tears every meal, break, and practice. I am the girl who was left crying alone behind closed doors. Yet I was, and am polite and willing to help all day every day; because that’s my job. Although it did take time for me to come around, I was willing to remain friends and chill. Too bad the last get-together I attended was the last one I was invited to. I am proud of myself for relying on my God to ease my pain, rather than dumping it on someone else.


I am very proud of myself for no longer conforming my interests to those of other people, but changing myself for the good of my God and strengthening myself to be the best I can be. I no longer make myself learn lyrics to popular songs so I can sing along, I listen to what I enjoy. I like people who make me happy, not who I have to have a shared opinion for. I no longer feel pressured to watch boring, fake, TV shows so that I can be included in lunch-time conversations. I am no longer expected to be somewhere or do something just because the group name is going. I do what I enjoy, when I feel like it.


One last thing I am proud of myself for is not only sitting down and praying to God to give me strength, but also for sitting down and asking that God use *****, *****, ******, and ****** for great things. It has taken months for me to be able to say this prayer, and many prayers for my own strength.


These are the reasons why I feel its okay for me to take pride in my decisions and accomplishments. If I didn’t have pride, I would undoubtedly fall. Fall hard. I will not give the satisfaction of failing to anyone willingly, which is why I’m thankful for my great friends God has given me. Those who I hold responsible for the things I have to be proud of, because without them I would have nothing, who have held me up when I was falling, and will continue to be there through this rough patch, and all the patches to come.

I don't think that I need to teach her a thing.  She's got it!  She is more mature, and handling the situation better, than I ever would have at that age, or even now.  She has every reason to be proud of herself, but she could never be more proud of herself than her Dad and I are of her. 

If anyone reading this has any suggestions for her or myself, please share them as this is very, very difficult.

On a Much Happier Note......

Got this picture today on my iPhone.

Without a doubt.....this will be the cutest little thing on the construction site!  Complete with safety glasses from her Dad and her Houston Oilers hard hat.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  Hebrews 11:1